As the readings and scripture suggests, conflict arises when things don’t go the way we want them to and from a false sense of imposition of our will on others. This is where we essentially seek to become God and develop the attitude that the reading very precisely describes as, “My kingdom come, my will be done on earth as it is in my imagination.” Desire, Disagreement/Disappointment, Deserving, Demanding, Dependence, Deification, and Destruction are the common culprits situations where sin creeps in as identified in chapter 6 of Love That Lasts.

The main thing to keep in mind is that this study is rooted in 2 primary admonitions in scripture. The first is that the source of all conflicts and quarrels between spouses, friends, and fellow believers come directly from our passions and pride (James 4:1-3). This has little or nothing to do with the other person, or any real or percieved offence committed against us. It does however have everything to do with our own hearts. “Conflict exposes our pride and the power of our sin, reminding us of our desperate need for the Grace, Mercy, and Wisdom of God.” (Love That Lasts, pg. 104).  The second is that all conflict can be resolved. Yes ALL. “Therefore any resignation or hopelessness you may feel regarding your marriage or other relationships stems far more from an inadequate view of God than it does from any view, adequate or inadequate, of your spouse, yourself, [or others]“. (Love That Lasts, pg. 104).  To believe otherwise points to a fundamental distrust and disbelief in God Himself and His ability to all things through Christ.

What occurred to me as I have been reading this chapter is how very true this is in my own heart and life. What also occurred to me are the different types of conflict that by analogy are strikingly similar to political and military contexts, and war specifically. Its often been said that “war is a continuation of politics by other means” -Karl Von Claueswitz. When biblical diplomacy fails because of our own sin and lack of humility, the following types of relational and emotional warfare will erupt:

1) Escalated Hostilites: This is marked by arguing, heated physical or verbal exchanges, temper tantrums, throwing things, and hurling insults toward one another. We also often think we have a trump card that will nuke our opponent and shut the whole thing down. This is typically the aim. We want to win, and in the heat of the moment we aren’t particularly concerned with the injuries or casualties that we inflict. This is relational equivalent of WWII which was marked by active conflict and resulted in atomic bombs being dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

2) Trench Warfare: You both dig trenches in the argument, knowing the other person’s position but refusing to actively engage them. Instead you stay in your trench, popping up for the occasional exchange of gunfire, or random slight. During the trench warfare of WWI, many of the casualties came from people getting sick in the trenches. The solders had no means of fully resting, cleaning themselves, disposing of bodily waste, or dealing with the corpses that mounted. When we’re in these types of conflicts with our spouses or the bretheran, we often do more damage to ourselves by wallowing in our own filth and muck. What we need is for Christ to lift us from the miry clay.

3)Armistice/Cease Fire: This is simply an intermission between episodes of active conflict or a temporary cessation of hostilities.  This doesn’t mean that you have reconciled with someone or that you’ve forgiven them, it only means that you have agreed to stop general hostilities. Then a solution (or something resembling one) is recommended by the more dominant person in the relationship, leaving the other person seething in silence. There has been no confession of sin or wrongs committed, and therefore no grace or forgiveness extended. This is neither peace nor reconciliation. In this type of conflict, at least one side is always waiting for the spark to start a new argument; almost daring or taunting the other person to draw first blood. When it comes to our relationships, many if not all of us have at times had the mindset that we won’t start something, but we’re certainly gonna finish it.

There are two great examples for this. The first is the Korean Conflict (or War if you prefer). This conflict essentially ended with North and South Korea drawing an imaginary line at the 38th parallel and creating a demilitarized zone. Paradoxically, this is precisely the place where most of the conflict happens in Korea as the area is heavily patrolled by armed guards, anti-personnel mines, searchlights, etc. There are several examples of this in unhealthy body life. This is like a husband and wife sleeping in separate rooms, having separate activities, separate finances, and living separate lives. This can also happen when friends avoid each other after a real or perceived disagreement, or when church members belong to the same congregation, but go to different church services to avoid each other. In a house church setting this can be even more toxic. I’m particularly saddened by this as it relates to our house church because this has happened numerous times with many different people and situations since we’ve existed. Very clearly, the is much growth to be had here.

The other example of an armistice would be the Treaty of Versailles and the armistice that followed which technically ‘ended’   WWI. Although there was no longer active shooting, Germany still held hostility and resentment toward the Entente for what they lost when the map of Europe and near east was redrawn. An entire nation seethed with anger, bitterness and resentment, culminating in the election of a leader (Chancellor Adolph Hitler) who vowed to right the wrongs committed against the Fatherland at Versailles. If you miss the parallel in your marriage, friendships, or relationships in Christ you are completely lost!!

4) Wars of Attrition: These are long, protracted conflicts in which an enemy seeks to wear down the resolve of their opponent. This often manifests itself by more covert, guerilla-style (passive aggressive) communication. This is where sighs, eye-rolls, door slams, being constantly irritated and such become the primary mode of communication toward people. Vietnam is great example of this as the Vietcong resorted to guerilla warfare on the West in an attempt to oust them from their country.

5) Quagmire: This type of conflict is characterized by wasted manpower, unnecessary civilian casualties, poor engagement strategy, and no clearly defined exit plan. In this type of conflict, we often repeatedly employ methods that simply don’t work, despite failing results or wise council to consider other alternatives. This is where you frequently argue in front of the children or guests, dishonor a spouse, brother or sister in Christ, or generally berate someone unnecessarily.  Here is where you spend years being simply bitter with someone for reasons that are mostly all made up and in your head. It is very uncomfortable to watch.

The path to peace, by contrast, is very simple and strait-forward. The difficulty is in the execution mainly because of our patterns of sin and pride mentioned earlier.

1) Humbly acknowledge sin

2) Biblically and specifically confess sin in a way that is unqualified and and free of any and all justification. such as, “I’m really apologize, but I did what I did because you really pushed my buttons”. Confessing sin is not the final chance to get our last dig in.

4) Ask for forgiveness specifically and being understanding and humble when it not given immediately.

5) Grant forgiveness whenever sought. “Make every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:3). “If possible, as far as it depends on you, live peacibly with all” (Rom. 12:18).  ”Forgive, just as in Christ the Lord also forgave you (Eph. 4:32). This is perfect, Christ-centered love as found in the scripture. The scriptures teach us to have an attitude of  ”submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph. 5:21)  We are commanded to love in a way that always hopes, trusts, believes, and seeks the best in others and for others. To not seek to resolve conflict in a way that is honest, humble, specific, and that believes and hopes the best in others is immature, childish, imperfect and sinful (1 Cor 13:11). How childish have you been and how poorly have you stewarded your relationships? How have you not sought to protect another? How often have you committed murder in your heart? have you sought reconciliation and forgiveness? There’s no time like the present. God can resolve all conflict.

I have been very profoundly convicted by this study and have become convinced that God will restore our relationships if we only get out of the way and let him. If any among us have business to do; may we have the humility and courage to do it at the earliest possible opportunity. We are commanded to. Satan will try to convince us to behave like cowards, please don’t give him that chance.

May we contribute to building the Kingdom so that the gates of Hell will not prevail against it. May we decrease as Christ in us increases. May God bless us all!

Okay, so this may seem like an odd place to start, however this passage has been on my mind the last few weeks. You see, I have been experiencing a few setbacks the last couple of weeks, not setbacks of faith, maybe they could even be seen as trials. I will try to elaborate as best I can, some of these events may seem trivial, some major, but in the end, the puzzle they put together just seems to fit right.

A couple of weeks ago, I discovered that it was no longer a sure thing that I would be able to get off the road permanently at the Ames Walmart that I, until today, had been working at. It was due to circumstances beyond the control of those around me, and it prepared me to begin thinking about taking a position at another store.

Then last week, I discovered that I would have to leave my store to return to the road sooner than expected, next week to be precise. Again, not within the immediate control of those around me, and very dissappointing news indeed. Jamie and I kept our spirits up though, in no small part to the passage above.

 After all, donning the armor of God allows us to stand our ground, regardless of the influence of the outside. It allows us to face adversity with a ferocity of a warrior, knowing that whether these events are schemes of the Devil, or part of Gods design, in the end, we will stand firm.

It was not until today that I truly felt the power of this passage. Today, because of an error I made a month ago, I was accused of something far worse. Being new to the assistant manager position, I was not trained on certain cash handling procedures. In one of my earlier experiences in the cash office, I moved donation money (in this case, lost and found money that had been unclaimed for two weeks) from the cash office to the donation box in the back of the store. The problem occurred because i moved the money without a cash bag, instead carrying it by hand. There is no camera at the cash box in the rear of the store. So the scenario that the store sees is me leaving the cash office with a twenty dollar bill, walking to the back of the store with it, walking into human resources, and walking back out, without the bill. Since there is no bookeeping involved with this type of funds, it raised the question for them as to what happened to the twenty.

Now, I would like to state what I hope is obvious here. I placed the money into the donation container. I did not put it in a cash bag, but it did remain in the store.  However, without being aware of it, I was not following proper procedures.

In the end, I was grilled by Asset Protection for two hours before they finally admitted that they had no evidence that I took anything. The good news? Evidence was on my side, so I only recieved a reprimand for not following proper procedures, punishment I am willing to take, it was my responsibility to make sure these procedures were followed. The bad news? Asset protection is paid to think everyone is an evil theif. The Asset Protection manager communicated to my manager at the store that she believed I had taken the money. This in spite of the concept that it would be absurd to risk career, family, and reputation for twenty bucks.

Very long story very short? My manager pulled me into the office and told me that he couldn’t risk the possibility of it being true and asked me to leave the store. I cant honestly blame him, who would want to go through every day with the doubt.

So in the end, I find myself here. I am returning to the road next week, instead of trying to find a new job or a new store because plans were changed and I was told to go on the road sooner than planned. I will not be able to return to this particular store in May like I had hoped, but because of events a couple of weeks ago, this is not as tragic of an idea as it would have been.

My pride is hurt by accusation, my feelings are hurt by the doubt shown by Jim, my manager, and I am saddened by the loss of the relationships I had begun to develop at the store.

However, with the grace of God, belted in truth, guarded by His Righteousness, and ready at the feet, I stand my ground against the shame, the pride, the fear and other tools of the devil, knowing that in the end, I am sheltered by the Lords grace.

I stand here shamed, beaten, and afraid, but yet I STAND.

Peace and love to you all, a fairly long rant I know, but it felt like I had a lot to get off of my chest. I hope God has graced you all with a bountiful and safe week.

Greg

How do you fall in love? One of the simplest ways (and perhaps one of the most effective) is to simply spend time with the person.

If you spend significant amounts of time with someone you can’t but help but develop feelings for them; first to become enamored by them, then to have deep feelings for them.  If one were to spend say, 40 days with someone, thinking about them and talking about them, wouldn’t it be quite difficult to feel ambivalent toward them?

Consider your relationship with the LORD. How much time do you spend with Him? The author of love and relationships created us to cultivate a relationship with him. If you told someone you loved them because you were supposed to love them, how well do you think that would go over? What if you pursued that person relentlessly and tenaciously? How do you think they’d respond? Just as with a good friend, family, spouse or significant other, if you spend time with someone you can’t help but develop a deeper relationship with them. Not because you are supposed to, but because you can’t help it.

Cultivate your relationship God, and see how he responds.

Be blessed,

Abdullah

In my meditation and worship today, I came across a song from one of my favorite gospel artists and worship leaders, Fred Hammond. I’ve listened to it several times but never really heard it. It’s called How Do You Love That Way, and captures the heart of man’s relationship with God that is illustrated in the book of Joel in the OT. Particularly how God’s people behave like the wayward woman and the LORD continually pursues us, cleanses us, restores us, and loves us.

If you get a chance, meditating on the lyrics would be a great prayer and help facilitate worship.

(1 verse)
I must have made you cry a million tears
Used enough mercy for a million years
You’d think by now your grace would disappear
Guess that’s why you call it love
You spread your arms across eternity
You shed your blood to buy my liberty
You fight for me with all intensity, with an undeniable love

(Chorus)
How do you love that way
I need you to teach me to love that way
Why do you love that way
Whatever you do don’t stop

(2 Verse)
Addicted to my selfishness and greed
Thinking my foolishness could meet my needs
Pulled up flowers tryin’ to make room for weeds
but it doesn’t uproot your love (I’m so crazy)
You just correct me try to slow me down
Rain on me softly when my leaves are brown
Resuscitate me when I hit the ground
So tenacious with your love (tell me how)

(Chorus)
How do you love that way
I need you to teach me to love that way
Why do you love that way
Whatever you do don’t stop
How do you love that way
I need you to teach me to love that way
Why do you love that way
Oh please oh please don’t stop

(Bridge)
I wandered and wavered a ship lost at sea
I treated your mercy so frivolously
Yet an ocean of love you poured over me
Your love won’t stop

How do you love me Lord
Will you teach me to love that way
Why do you love, whatever you do don’t stop

(Vamp)
By holding me oh lord you’re showing me
You’re teaching me and Lord I plainly see
Your love indeed, it amazes me
Whatever you do don’t stop
Why you would smile upon this broken man
It blows my mind, I just don’t understand
All the love I need is in your nail-scarred hands
Whatever you do don’t stop
(repeat)

Be blessed fam,

Abdullah

I chose this title because it summarizes several things that I’ve been learning and practicing over the last several months. What follows essentially amounts to an epiphany that I had while cleaning out my car this fall. What struck me is that my car wasn’t especially dirty, but the process of cleaning it uncovered several things that I’d noticed dozens of times but procrastinated attending to. While driving to work and around town in my freshly washed, waxed and detailed car, I found that getting into a clean car produced a ripple effect that made me drive more carefully and purposefully, started my day off better, increased my productivity and efficiency at work, and sparked a thought, cleaning and organizing frenzy that included my office, home, finances, relationships and personal life. Cleaning the car became the metaphor for this process and was indicative of the life overhaul that was going on in my spirit.

These ten principles are not things that came out of thin air. They’re not even terribly original. They are simply a few universal principles that that I’ve found to be very effective in my own life that I feel compelled to share. I didn’t devise the list then start to follow it. Rather, I found myself doing the work in several areas of my life and noticed that these principals were at play. I am convinced that if you employ them, you and others around you will notice the change. I’m also convinced that you will find yourself more fulfilled, less stressed, and better equipped to take control of your life. To that end, these next several posts are dedicated to the ten principles and five core skills that are redefining my life.

I say “are redefining” for two very important reasons; 1) Because the process is still relatively new to me and therefore requires diligence to maintain and 2) Because nobody’s perfect. I’ll never attain perfection, I will always have faults and flaws, but I refuse to allow those flaws to define me or be dismissed (or better yet re-labled) as personality traits for the rest of my life.

These principles are also biblical, but they are not exclusive to the Christian or Hebrew scriptures. As a Christian, I must also acknowledge that following these principles is not something that I could have accomplished without the Holy Spirit at work within me. I realize that everyone who reads this may not hold to Judeo-Christian beliefs. Some people may even be completely and vehemently opposed to them. Some may actually be hostile to them. That shouldn’t matter; this is not a treatise on religion. Christianity is my anchor and I make absolutely no apologies for the work of Christ on my life and the perpetual process of being conformed to His image and likeness. That being said, I also respect the opinions and beliefs of others, and whatever religious, spiritual, or moral convictions you may hold. What I am convinced of however is that to truly change ones self requires a resolve that is found only within ourselves and a transformative power that is greater than ourselves.

Lastly, I’m by no means a self-help guru wannabe; nor am I trying to promote any facade of perfection. Once again, these are simply things that I have noticed in my own life that have had a profound impact on my heart and life. Take them for what they’re worth. I also very much encourage you to leave a comment about any of the principles if you’ve tried them for yourself and found them helpful to your own lives.

The process of cleaning out your vehicle —I mean really cleaning your vehicle requires that you use the 5 basic skills listed below. This is not an exhaustive list. But to live life skillfully (what the bible calls wisdom), also requires that you use these skills:

1) Planning – Living life well demands that you have a plan. Otherwise, you will wander through your life with life just happening to you. Life is not a series of accidents or random occurrences that appear unrelated and inconsequential. There is a point to life (aka goal) that must be considered and planned for. Life is in part a result of actions and reactions that are based on the choices you make. (I’m obviously not talking about things like car accidents, cancer, a piano falling on your head, etc). This applies in how you approach both your life and your work. Living life accidentally is as dangerous as it is foolish. You must have some sort of systematic process or game plan for how to accomplish the task at hand. Living life with a plan also means that you look at the areas of yourself that require a few finishing touches.

Consider the car metaphor, having a plan ensures that you don’t forget any part of the process from cleaning the cup holders to tooth-picking or tooth brushing the gunk from the hard-to-reach cracks and crevices where a whole hand can’t go. Plan to clean the gunk from the hard-to-reach places of your life and character.

2) Patience – To accomplish the task methodically and completely requires that you gear yourself up for a long process that you must see through to the end. There is no quick fix. You can’t change yourself overnight; so don’t try and save yourself much frustration, false starts and disappointment. Be patient. The process takes consistent applied effort over time.

3) Attention to detail – You must be committed to also cleaning the parts of the car (and your life) that you think people can’t see, may notice accidentally, but that they observe since they have a different vantage point than you (ie. sitting in the passenger seat, the back seat, accidentally kicking the floor mat to reveal what’s underneath etc). Be mindful of the reality that people often see you more accurately than you see yourself. Depending on the relationship you have with them–from a passing acquaintance to close friend, spouse, or mentor–they’re different vantage point allows them to see areas that you miss. These will invariably include noticing both strengths and weaknesses in your character. Everyone will not see the complete You in every interaction, but every interaction tells people something of your character. This skill is tandem to skill #1. You must have a plan to transform not only the major areas of your life, heart, and character, but also have the humility and honesty within yourself to sincerely address the things that you think don’t matter much. You’d be surprised how much they matter to people that interact with you from different points of view.

4) Desire – Not the desire to please others, put on a good show, or make a good impression. To live skillfully must come from the desire to be a good steward of the things you have been blessed to have and achieve. Doing anything simply because people want or think you should do it seldom produces lasting results over time. It often even breeds resentment and failure. It is much better to develop the habit of doing something simply because it’s the right thing to do. It may even have result of producing an altruism that you didn’t anticipate.

5) Maintenance – You must cultivate and maintain newly acquired skills ongoing and build in time for reassessment and review. Entropy (the process of moving toward disorder, chaos and decay) will naturally occur if you don’t build in time for maintenance.

I believe these five skills are at work in the principles that I’ll share throughout the next several posts. If you read this, please post a comment adding your opinions, observations and perspectives.

Until next time,

dabrotha

Sorry for the rambling.

Katie

This is my very first blog EVER! We are so excited to be heading home to Iowa…even willing to endure the cold! Looking forward to the Deshon’s game on Sat at 3:00. Jean…you were going to send out some game times too I think. Also looking forward to the Sat. AM gathering….Judy, Linda, me …and whover else can come to that time. Is is 8:00 or 8:30 ? I need to find out from Araceli if the books are in…the rest of you may alreay know. I am really glad I don’t need to be ANGRY about the basketball game last night…as we won a big one (after 2 close prior losses). So it is always easier to leave after a win.

We had a great time with the grandparents down in Nashville this trip. It was their first visit to Nashville, Jordan’s school and a game. Some lasting memories were created for sure.

Steve and I have been on the read thru the Bible in a Year track…holding each other accountable for keeping up (and catching up) and as much as possible reading together. I keep being reminded I have nothing to offer without Him…

Sure look forward to seeing, being with, being encouraged by, and encouraging…all of you…love, anne

I hope everyone is having a great week. I just wanted to say, HEY, and encourage everyone as they fast for the covenant this week. I am really excited to see what God has in store for us! I know that if we are all committed, the possibilities are endless! I am praying for everyone as they fast, and I will definitely need your prayer on Thursday!

I wanted to leave you all with something Jean and I are clinging to this week that I thought was a good reminder for everyone to think about.

1. God is who He says He is.
2. God can do what He says He can do.
3. I am who God says I am.
4. I can do all things through Christ.
5. God’s word is alive and active in me.

I really hope you all start to use this blog. I think it is going to be a wonderful tool as we grow and commit to each other!

Have a great week everyone! Don’t hesitate to call or text me for encouragement or to encourage me! Love you all!

Katie

We have a busy month, looking forward to what God’s going to do through the outreach.

Keep praying for the people that God has placed on your hearts!

God is a wondrous and merciful father,

Jessie

As I think about those in all of our families who are not believers, I think about how truly profound that statement is, and how the Lord is faithful to his promises if we believe him.

In Acts 5, Paul and Silas were beaten and jailed for preaching the Gospel. Despite being bruised, bloodied, and chained, they began singing hymns, praying, and praising their god. Apparently around midnight (they’d probably been doing this for some time), there was an earthquake that opened the doors of the jail, and allowed the prisoners the ability to escape. The first unusual event here is probably the earthquake. The second is the fact that, despite the ability to flee, all of the prisoners stayed put (Acts 5:28).

We don’t know why the other prisoners didn’t run, so we shouldn’t speculate. But something happened when the jailer woke and went to the cells and saw the men all accounted for -an occurrence that he attributed to Paul and Silas. I think we can infer here that the jailer recognized some sort of power that the Apostles had that made the jailer want to worship something beyond what he could comprehend. I think we can also infer that he attributed this power to Jesus. It’s likely that he heard them singing, but I’d say that it was definite that he, being a guard, knew that they were in custody for preaching salvation through Jesus Christ alone. I believe we can infer all of this because of the question that the jailer asked when he arrived at the jail cell.

“Sirs (an obvious sign of respect), what must I do to be saved?” (Acts 5:30). I’d say this guy was, or had instantly become what Christians call a ‘seeker’.

We all know the answer he was given, “Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved – you and your household.”

The jailer was not plucked out of his family and saved. He was impressed by what he saw in the faith of these two beaten, bloody, chained, and weak men who believed in the power of their god despite their seemingly dire situation. He was so affected by what he’d witnessed, that he did what we all do when we have a bit of news that we can’t keep to ourselves…he immediately told the people close to him.

…and it affected them too. So much so, that they all became saved. “he and his whole family” (vs. 34)

The jailer wasn’t an accomplished exegete, he wasn’t a pastor, he wasn’t a theologian, he wasn’t an ‘evangelist’, he wasn’t a deacon or an elder, and he wasn’t a bible-beater. Remarkably, he hadn’t even been a believer for more than a few hours. But he was eager to share with those he cared about something that had just completely changed his life. He just went to his family and said, “guess what? These two guys just told me something that you have to hear!”

When was the last time that you were this excited to share the Gospel to those whom you care about, just because you cared about them? All of us have unbelieving children, parents, siblings, maybe a spouse, a son or daughter-in-law, aunt, uncle, friends, etc. who desperately need the message of Christ. Many if not most of us (myself included) are too afraid to discuss Christ with them for fear of being shunned, laughed at, ignored, not invited back or whatever. We would do well to remember that we sow the seed, the Gardner makes it grow. The Philippian guard did not save his household; he was just obedient to do what came naturally to him…share something that was important to him with people that were important to him.

I believe my sister and her husband are believers. My stepfather may be, although I believe he is immature in his faith. I believe the Lord has my other sister’s attention in some ways, as I see her maturing. But my parents (though mother is in church almost every Sunday), my brother, several of my other friends and family at least two of my in-laws are not. This is particularly sad because my grandfather was a pastor before he died and many of them have spent their entire lives in churches. Scripture says that you can judge a tree by it’s fruit, so my assessment is based on that. To be sure none of us are perfect, but scripture gives us the latitude not to judge, but to asses by people’s actions who is saved.

Praying for people isn’t enough. Sowing seed require intentionality and effort. Consider for a moment that prayer alone may even be the spiritual equivalent of being passive-aggressive. It takes no effort, no confrontation, no personal investment of emotion, and carries no inherent fear of rejection. It may even be a tactic of the enemy to have us overspiritualize praying for someones salvation to the point that we do nothing to help hasten it. It inhibits us from doing what should come naturally. I’m not saying that prayer isn’t effective, but a faith without works is a dead faith. To put it another way, a faith that doesn’t cause action is like corpse that can’t move. It is like a tree that produces no fruit.

The new year is almost here, and with it a new beginning. In 2009, I believe we need to remember (and perhaps retrain ourselves) to do what comes naturally when it comes to sharing the good news of Christ with our family and our oikos. We need to talk about things that are important to us to people that are important to us. God is interested in saving whole households, not in plucking out individuals from their families…yours included.

Be blesses family,
-da brotha